Dating tips with real life experience stories

1. Where should I meet him?

Meet in public places, such as a restaurant, Cafe, library or during the day in a park. Don't meet at your house, don't give out your address. Why? It could happen that your date falls in love with you and becomes aggressive. Choose a meeting place that is near public transportation. To avoid misunderstandings, state the exact address, repeat it and write it down.
"We met on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, it was a popular place. I recognized him from far. He waved to me and my heart sank. I was totally nervous and excited at the same time." C. N.Y.

2. Discuss on how to recognize each other.

Even though you may have a photo of your date, you should ask him what he's going to wear, his height, hair color, glasses? And you should give a brief description of yourself. Thus there should be no confusion.
"We met in a Cafe of a well known hotel. Since I had no photo of him, he had no cell phone, the Cafe had several rooms, we both waited seated in club chairs. After 50 minutes my cell phone rang. He asked, where where you. We had missed each other and he had gone home. We made another date." E. Berlin.

3. Time

Dont' meet at night, day time or early evening is better. Tell a good friend whereyou're going. Should nobody be home, then inform your date, that you're going to meet a gril friend later on. Thus you always have an excuse just in case the date doesn't work out.
"I had nobody whom I could inform of my whereabouts. I left a note on the table with my cell phone # and the name of the date." R., N.Y.

4. Dress code

From your telephone conversations you must have learnt if the partner pays attention to fashion and what his preferences are. If you don't know don't be shy but ask him. It makes sense to dress similar. I propose to dress conservatively rather elegantly but not too sexy. If you feel unsure, ask a girlfriend, try a few facorite outfits and listen to his/her reaction. If you meet in a park, you shouldn't be dressed too formal, jeans and a blazer or a pants suit will do.
"I met Mr. M., 51, 5'11", very slim, wearing a dress shirt, light brown shoes, a grey striped summer suit. He was an Italian Hotel owner. He called me apologizing that he was stuck in traffic and would be delayed by 15 minutes.
I sat in a beautiful furnished Cafe, dressed in a pants suit. I felt good and looked forward to our meeting." M., Zurich.

5. Punctuality

Try to be on time. Being late makes a bad impression. Should you be delayed, inform the waiting party. Send a text message or make a call.
Try to put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you are left waiting. The agreed upon time should be kept. It happens too often that people change their minds and don't feel like going. Is it fear? I'm of the opinion that one should have the guts and keep the date. We are civilized people and it's out of the question to let someone wait, not to answer the phone or run away from the approaching party. Imagine the date is also anxious. Regardless of how many dates one has had, one still becomes nervous.
"I arrived at the meeting place and waited at least 20 minutes. Nobody came. I called his cell, his office, his house phone. No response. I was very disappointed. I would have never expected this. A college educated woman who sounded so normal on the phone. She had suggested the location and the time. I have crossed out her name in my address book and have never had any communication with her since. G. Munich.

6. Politeness

When you have a date, you should have an idea of whom you're meeting. A photo, his voice, one imagines what he's like. Then comes reality. How often is one disappointed when the partner has nothing in common with one's expectations. His body odor, voice, and he doesn't resemble his picture. Nothing fits. Please try to keep your cool and be polite. May be your date has similar thoughts. I think there's always time for coffee, some small talk, even if it just concerns the weather. Imagine one leaves you standing. You are looking for a new partner and you know it is a major accomplishment to find Mr. Right. You don't want to discourage the date from ever dating again.
"He picked me up in a cab in front of my hotel. I found him peculiar, he continuously talked of God and the evil in the world. I thought I cannot take this much longer. He then showed me the city. A beautiful little sighseeing tour. Then he wanted to go for a walk and show me a particular view. I couldn't walk far, my new shoes hurt. Luckily the first bench was empty. Then he called a French restaurant and asked for clams. No clams was the answer. He is coming ith a beautiful lady, please reserve a table for us. After all we were served the clams. It was delightful. A typical French Restaurant with a checkered tablecloth, bistro chairs and a large front garden. The food, clams fresh from the sea, and a Cabernet. He was so nice and I was hungry. My feet still hurt but it didn't matter. I thanked him the next day for a very pleasant evening." B., Berlin.

7. What should I talk about?

I am often asked by men and also women what they should talk about on the first date. Should I bring her flowers? I believe that's not necessary. Be yourself. Say you're nervous. Smile. Even if you don't like the partner. Choose together something from the menu. Tell him what happened to you on the way to the date or that you don't know this Cafe. Try to be relaxed. You can begin by giving him/her compliments, i.e. you look much younger than your picture. No matter what you feel, be friendly and polite.
"In the first few minutes she told me that she wanted a child, that she wanted to marry, and that she will only have sex after marriage. I remained polite, listened but thought to myself that she was nuts." R., Hamburg.

8. In love at first sight

If you like the partner, ask him questions. How long have you been single? What are your interests? Where do you live? What are your interests? What are you doing professionally?
Avoid to tell him in the first 5 minutes that you're looking for marriage, that you desire children. This could turn him off. There are neutral subjects, i.e. fashion, weather, the city etc.
If the chemistry seems right for you, does not mean that it is so for him. How often have I experienced that one partner is in love while the other may lke you but no more. Be patient.
"I immediately fell in love. My life changed completely. I bought myself the following day a cell phone and decided to separate from my life partner with whom I shared an apartment since a year. I never saw my date again. He answered the phone once, never called me back. Even though I was very disappointed, something in my life changed to the better." A., New York.

9. Intimacy

I think that at the first meeting, restraint should be exercised. A woman should not tempt her partner sexually and then be surprised when he wants more than an embrace.
"I invited her for dinner, a 4 course menu. For each course an exquisite wine was served. She was totally turned on and kissed me. She said, it had been a long time since she had sex. When I drove her home and put my arm around her, she pushed me away and said, she does not have sex on the first date." D., Berlin.

10. Second Date

When both partners like each other, they want to make a second date. Who calls whom first, should be discussed. Don't become impatient when he/she does not call right away. Wait at least 1 - 2 days. A woman can make the first move. Whey not call once, leave a message, then wait even when it seems hard.
"I called right way when I got home. We chatted pleasantly. Every day I called her several times each day. One day she did not answer. I don't know what happened. A., Munich.